Create
Overcome me, let me free
As I feel your control, I can relax.
I wish I could go home
But without you, I'm in an unfamiliar place.
When you were beside me, I could feel
Without you, I tend to become...detached.
And that numbness hurts.
Spirituality abandons me sometimes now
I am too human
When I'm alone.
And I'm so alone without you.
You taught me to feel
In a whole new way.
You were such a good experience for me
I learned so much
And I felt so much.
Now, I'm empty again
Sparkles of what I am still show occassionally
However, its irrationally more complex now.
I have to try to feel
It isn't as genuine as it was
When you were with me.
The purity of my ability to feel
ran away when you did.
But, I'll remember soon...
10/01 Gift
That scent haunts me all year
then it returns and I love it
It reminds me of truth
it reminds me of learning
It tells me who I am
and the orange leaves agree.
This is the season
when I first learned who I am
This is the time
that keeps me aware.
Breezes ripple 'round my bones
I know I can feel
I know I am a part of this
and I remember how wonderful it feels
to be given such a gift.
11/01
Change
As it peers at existence using my eyes,
my heart sheds infinite tears
for our beloved world.
We no longer define the word hope
in a reasonable manner.
It slides out of our mouths
wading in a sea of blinded saliva,
aided by a belief or faith
filled with discrimination and filth.
Everything loses significance
the instance you become aware.
Numbness buries our inspiration,
as the evening news desensetizes kindergartners.
Nothing's going to change the world.
08/01
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Pedestal
Disappointment can sabotage a pedestal
It brings you back to reality
Everytime the pedestal is knocked down
A sharp edge
from it's shattered hopes
Twists into my heart.
And while I shake and bleed
You feel sorry for yourself
Completely oblivious of the damage.
I laugh at how unselfish you think yourself to be
But the laugh is the kind that stabs your insides
I can't stop laughing though.
If I stop, then I have to look at myself
Search for the best reason to excuse my unhappiness
Who can I blame it on?
It's my fault that nobody will ever love me
I just don't want to accept that harsh truth.
So I will just shove you back up to the top
The top of a new shiny pedestal
And wait for it to crumble
As a result of your humanity.
02/05/01
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Rain
The melody of the infinite drops
cause sadness
And remind me of that empty morning
the last one
That lonely rain camouflaged my drops
in my eyes
My rain has dried though
and sun shines upon my eyelids again
But, I still miss him
Not as intensely as yesterday
and each day before
Loneliness fades as does rain
I am slowly leaving Seattle.
1998
Untitled
Have you ever felt yourself die?
It happened to me in a dream last night
Now, I'm not one to believe in Christian lies
But the voices I heard, kept telling me after I died,
"You're going to hell."
And they were so arrogant, those voices
And they were so eager, greedy, NO CHOICES.
Worst of all this, they were so powerful
And they just didn't care how I feel
Then I was awake.
My heart pumped so quickly
And I could still feel them take
As my blood flew through my veins
Reminding me that it was safe now
Because I'm awake.
But when I felt my spirit leave
In that realistic death dream
I was terrified
Because those voices verified
Just how unsure I am about anything.
It's okay now because I'm awake.
11/01 |